Self Evaluation

So it’s 3:55 AM and I’m thinking to myself… Why am I still so indecisive of my future ?

I’m in nursing school and I love it… The hands on stuff that is… But the testing and reading part of it… I dread !

So I’m sitting at the desk at the ambulance building with a list of most common drugs and hoping to memorize them before school starts. I also have next to me is a book called Freakonomics that I’m actively reading an learning from. I started watching a show called Suits and omg it has brought me back to high school where I was so so soooo excited to be a lawyer and kick ass at mock trials and researching. I worked at a small law firm and loved writing summons and then I worked in New York with an amazing lawyer who brought me to courts with her and it was just fascinating to watch what was going on.

Now I realize that I’m getting excited and missing law because of a show but omg how I want to jump in the books again. And then I realize that just like my unstable diet, my future is just as unstable. I mean I love nursing and I plan on finishing but what about that love I had for law ?? It’s like I worked so hard, had the means and support and then I blew it. I all of sudden became a music major. Left that, went to journalism.. Left that and got into NYU for economics. Never went and now I’m a nursing major in Bergen community. Like what?? How do I keep jumping from one thing to another and then it clicked. Instant satisfaction. I wasn’t getting it so I went to something else that would peak my interest. Just like dieting.. If I stuck through my path to law… I would be graduating NYU this spring, already have taken my LSATS and may be well on my way to be a lawyer.

Well… This correlates with dieting. If I just stuck with it… I’d be at that weight I fucking want. But again, instant satisfaction. The excuse now ?? I’m not losing weight fast enough… I want to eat candy … I want to enjoy everything. Blah blah blah

It seems that everything in my life is unstable. My relationships, my job, my education. Why should dieting be left out ??

Now that I have realized… What am I going to do about it ?

Change my mind set.. Now how do I do that when I have been thinking this way for years and years now. Change my incentives.

What will I gain in changing my diet ?

1. A happier me
2. A healthier me
3. Prove to myself I can accomplish my goal
4. Look absolutely fantastic in anything I wear
5. More confidence
6. Live life longer
7. Proud. Be proud that i am working to my full potential

Now… Idk if these are the right or wrong incentives but I have to keep trying and changing right ?

If I learned anything from Econ 101 is that we have to come up with the incentive and just do trial and error til we find the best incentive.

As the freakonomics book would put: there are three flavors of incentives.

For an incentive to work.. We need all three so lets develop the incentive for me to stick with this diet using the three types.

Economic- a healthier diet means a healthier me. Less doctor visits, less money on medications, less problem that need financial help to solve.
Social- I will feel better, look better which will give me the confidence to push and be the best I can be
And Moral- I am blessed everyday to have a roof over my head, my parents supporting me and god giving me life each and everyday… I must take care of myself.

Seems solid I think. I’m going to write these down and place it on my wall. Wake up everyday and look at it, read it out loud and move forward with my day.

And maybe once I can control and continue my diet stably , the rest of my life will become stable to.

Or is it the other way around ?? I guess I have to work hard in all aspects of my life at a time so that together as a whole, I can complete, succeed and be proud.

Oy vey … This is a lot of work. But I can do it 🙂


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